...been a bigger idiot. Maybe. Who knows? Or I could have been fantastic. Like I am now. Its all about the 'if'. Either you have it or you don’t. I, personally, would not like to be appreciated with a sentence prefixed with an 'if'. It just spoils the whole flow of thought. Just like how 'but' does it. "I really like you, but..." Hits hard, doesn’t it?
The question which now arises is, does it really make sense to bother what you fill the unforgiving moment with? Be it meandering memories or tangential thoughts... fictitious facts or rambling ruminations. At the end of the day what could have been is nowhere close to be taken into account than what you actually are. Nevertheless, one still likes to fantasize about the life that could have been... youngest Oscar-winner, author of the bestselling book in the universe, maybe the actual Doctor Dolittle. Even a child prodigy would have been brilliant!
Alas! I do not have a Time Machine to go back in time, so I have to stick to being what I am… the one and only myself. Whatever faults I may have, at least they are mine! So cheers to the world for fuelling my aspirations. Someday, I will be part of someone else’s philosophical writings. Someday i will hit the jack pot and summarize my past as i was living it, in poverty, and yet, in sheer abandon. Someday my name will appear on one of the best-selling novels and my long lost friends might recognize me and think about how I was back then, luckless, volatile, and insecure. Maybe someday I will discover the indescribable. Till then I am going to stick to trying not to bother about the sanctity of this fortunate living. Incomprehensible babbling suits me the best. You might want to try it as well. It might do you good. Who knows… maybe.
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