~ Dogs emotionally blackmail you
Have you ever been able to stand before a pair of melting brown eyes and been able to refuse them half your kingdom and your right arm? Not me!
~ They know telepathy
You think of that Mad Over Doughnut you saved from your last trip to the mall and there they are right outside the refrigerator door, waiting to pounce on it before your arm (the one you have already promised to the dog) reaches the spot.
~ They act all cute
Duh! Of course that is a bad thing, Terrible offence, if you ask me. Take a long look at the babies around you... Are they really as cute and adorable as their parents make them out to be? Now take a look at the pups you find... How many of these can ever be called anything but cute? There! See how clear I made it for you! All Pups - Cute! All Babies - Not!
~ They manipulate you
Those conniving things... they make you care for them. You feel obliged to be nice to them because they make you do it. They make you wanna be good humans. They make your hard fought for stony exteriors melt. They make you like the world. It even seems a better place.
~ You fall in love with them
We, the humans, with our innate ability to laugh at ourselves have the weirdest tendency to fall in head over heels typish love with these canine creatures. And you know what happens next... heartbreak, gut-wrenching moments of gore, silent movie kinda tears... You know the drill.
~ They take you for walks
Yes, you got me right... THEY take YOU for walks. Just in case you were of some other opinion, right about now would be good time to look back and have that *realisation struck* moment which involves reels and reels of images of dogs running ahead with their owners behind them barely hanging on to their pants for dear lives.
~ They die
I swear I do NOT understand why they have to go do that! I have had more than a baker's dozens of these wily creatures and they have all died on me. I hate you, all ye dogs of the world. Don't you dare lick me again.
~ They make you feel guilty
Self-suffering, never complaining, all encompassing... Aaaaaargh!!! Their goodness makes me wanna puke! Leave them alone for a whole day and somehow you still return to that same joyful bouncing creature who thinks you are his world. How can someone or anything ever be so eager to see me? Hypocrites!
~ They just don't understand the word 'NO'
I mean have you ever tried telling a dog that you are fine and you do not need that wet lil' nose anywhere near you when you are definitely anything other than woebegone gloomy nor are you by no freaky chance contemplating suicide or worse planning murder... Somehow, they always presume they know best and wish to cheer you up. *Sighs* Trust me on this one, a dog will NEVER let you say sad. See how depressing that can get!
So now that you know how I absolutely abhor dogs, (Or for that matter, any other creature for a pet...), you may by all means populate my wall with cute lil' puppies. Yessir! All I ask is for a chance to be proved wrong that a pup cannot make me happy.
*Sighs*
All I want for Christmas...
