Dearest D

Dearest Dexter,

Thanks for coming in to my life. Sorry I couldn't be part of yours.
Thanks for the 18 days you spent with us. Sorry your lyf was so short.
Thanks for trying so hard. Sorry for giving up on you.
Thanks for the memories. Sorry I couldn't give you more.
Thanks for staying with us. Sorry I couldn't keep you longer.
Thanks for those innocent eyes. Sorry for the torture I medically put you through.
Thanks for bearing the pain, Sorry I couldn't see you in it.
Thanks for being so strong. Sorry I wasn't strong enough.
Thanks for giving me hope. Sorry I couldn't share it.
Thanks for letting me love you. Sorry I couldn't love you enough.
Thanks for being so loving. Sorry I couldn't love you back.
Thanks for the smiles. Sorry for the pain.

I hope you forgive me... cause I really cannot.

Death at close quarters

He's dying. I know it. The doctor knows it. I think he knows it too. I've known him but a fortnight but I'm going to miss him for a lifetime.
He is lying with his eyes shut beside me. I can feel him twitching in pain. It's painful to see him like this.
He's barely 40 days old. I'm not sure he's going to make it to 50.
The tears don't stop flowing. I'm not sure I even want to try stopping them.
I fought against the fatal pronouncement of his impending death. I fought for the 1% chance they gave him.
He continues to suffer. Because of my selfishness. Because I just can't let go.
I don't want to lose him. I don't want him to die.
But there is nothing more I can do. But his shorn head still continues filling me with guilt.
His heavy breathing and cries of pain fill me with dread. Not of pain but of humans. They did this to him. I did this to him.
I did this to myself. I had promised I would never fall in love again. But I did. And now my heart is broken. Again.
I hate dogs. I do.

Why I do NOT want a dog

~ Dogs emotionally blackmail you

Have you ever been able to stand before a pair of melting brown eyes and been able to refuse them half your kingdom and your right arm? Not me!

~ They know telepathy

You think of that Mad Over Doughnut you saved from your last trip to the mall and there they are right outside the refrigerator door, waiting to pounce on it before your arm (the one you have already promised to the dog) reaches the spot.

~ They act all cute

Duh! Of course that is a bad thing, Terrible offence, if you ask me. Take a long look at the babies around you... Are they really as cute and adorable as their parents make them out to be? Now take a look at the pups you find... How many of these can ever be called anything but cute? There! See how clear I made it for you! All Pups - Cute! All Babies - Not!

~ They manipulate you

Those conniving things... they make you care for them. You feel obliged to be nice to them because they make you do it. They make you wanna be good humans. They make your hard fought for stony exteriors melt. They make you like the world. It even seems a better place.

~ You fall in love with them

We, the humans, with our innate ability to laugh at ourselves have the weirdest tendency to fall in head over heels typish love with these canine creatures. And you know what happens next... heartbreak, gut-wrenching moments of gore, silent movie kinda tears... You know the drill.

~ They take you for walks

Yes, you got me right... THEY take YOU for walks. Just in case you were of some other opinion, right about now would be good time to look back and have that *realisation struck* moment which involves reels and reels of images of dogs running ahead with their owners behind them barely hanging on to their pants for dear lives.

~ They die

I swear I do NOT understand why they have to go do that! I have had more than a baker's dozens of these wily creatures and they have all died on me. I hate you, all ye dogs of the world. Don't you dare lick me again.

~ They make you feel guilty

Self-suffering, never complaining, all encompassing... Aaaaaargh!!! Their goodness makes me wanna puke! Leave them alone for a whole day and somehow you still return to that same joyful bouncing creature who thinks you are his world. How can someone or anything ever be so eager to see me? Hypocrites!

~ They just don't understand the word 'NO'

I mean have you ever tried telling a dog that you are fine and you do not need that wet lil' nose anywhere near you when you are definitely anything other than woebegone gloomy nor are you by no freaky chance contemplating suicide or worse planning murder... Somehow, they always presume they know best and wish to cheer you up. *Sighs* Trust me on this one, a dog will NEVER let you say sad. See how depressing that can get!

So now that you know how I absolutely abhor dogs, (Or for that matter, any other creature for a pet...), you may by all means populate my wall with cute lil' puppies. Yessir! All I ask is for a chance to be proved wrong that a pup cannot make me happy.

*Sighs*

All I want for Christmas...

Lessons Learnt After Three Months in the 'Media' Field

~ Contrary to popular belief and friends who have boring (yes, you heard me right!) jobs, there are no such things as Weekends. Considering the fact that I am writing this blog, from my cubicle, on a Saturday, you might not want to argue.

~ Free lunches and Free Offs are nothing but a figment of your sleep-deprived imagination.

~ Myths, in the form of 'the coffee machine makes coffee', 'the IT chaps are graduates', 'the chairs are medically-designed' are *yawns* myths. BTW, with respect to the chairs - they might actually be medically-designed... to give you the most perfect backaches.

~ Words and terms such as 'raise', 'medical benefits', ' are not to be uttered in the first six months of your measly existence at the workplace. Make it a year if you are actually smart.

~ The middle lifts are ALWAYS haunted. Witness courtesy a certain Miss Kazmi.

~ The 10th floor may have the only ATM in the building, but that does not mean it has cash.

~ FlipFlops are cool as long as they actually don't go "flip-flopping"...

~ Everything from Anna's speaking or not speaking is Breaking News.

~ When in doubt, talk about how utterly wasted AFSPA is. And you will be fyn. Moderately.

~ Be naice to your colleagues. Especially if they bring yum things to work.

~ Boss is always right. Subject to nicety and necessity.

~ Respect the one who orders brown-bread sandwiches.

~ You may, by all means, look at the guy, busy at his desk 24/7, with awe. But if you do not want to shatter that awe, do not try sneaking a peak at what the concerned person is upto.

~ It is not advisable to crib about "I do not have tym to spend shopping...". The Air Conditioning, Water Cooler, Jammed Loo Door are safer topics.

~ It is infinitely better for your system mouse to have a lyf of its own than for there to be a live rat/ mouse/ mongoose in the office.

~ When lyf hands you lemons, keep them. They make useful tear-generators.

~ Lunch/Dinner break is only for 10 minutes or lesser. Mind you, the noun used is singular. Plurals in such are never allowed. Unless they are Ciggie breaks. Hence, being a teetotaler totally sucks.

~ However sophisticated you sound, people will still laugh, at your face, when you drink Bournvita instead of the *rolls her eyes* highly-acclaimed tea or coffee.

~ Just because you wrote "Cleanliness is next to godliness" in huge block letters next to your desk does not mean the cleaner chap will clean your place. More probably the stinking office dustbin will land right next to you.

~ How many ever times you refuse people will still question your non-existent Bong status. In my case, Assamese as well. (Wish I was either!)

~ For some highly strange reason, no one wished me on Diwali... but everyone made it a point to send me Id wishes.

~ Office orientations/inductions are not meant to be fun. Especially if you are in the same cab as the guy who speaks absolute shudh-Hindi... non-stop. God bless his soul.

~ Become besties with the lift chaps. Especially if you happen to work in a certain 17 floor AaaichTeee building.

~ The chaps at the security will let everyone pass through without the mandatory ID card check... until... they come to you.

~ You will be considered the youngest till its actually blame-game tym.

~ *Featured in Ripley's Believe it or Not*
Pens and pencils will magically disappear from your desk... never to be seen again.

About-ing Myself

Who amongst us is not self-obsessed?
Lyk Twain once said, "A man (woman) cannot be comfortable without his (her) own approval.

So here you go, my attempts at my sporadic interest in defining myself.

"An oddball who has half a Masters degree in English Literature under her belt. Blissfully unemployed, a staunch Pre-Lapsarian, believer in the fickleness of lyf and meditator on the funny side of it, preferably. A life-enthusiast armed with good humour and a backpack of nerdy ideas, passionately devoted to mind-numbing activities, for example, being a Reporter. A grammar-nazi by nature, an arbit follower of all things odd who also loves being referred to as a whatever-preneur. Is known to be partial towards dogs, banana ice cream, Uncle chips and musty-smelling books."

I like the following the best. Short and sharp.
"I stalk for a living. I also prod in other people's private and not-so-private affairs. In short, an aspiring Reporter."

The latest stuff. Fresh off the Minty hot-plate.
"An associative verb used to define a caricature of a being. Mostly pronounced incorrectly. Has been known to show certain bovine tendencies, especially around the oily strata of the food pyramid. Has issues with using vocal chords (no speak, only squeak), can NOT sing. (Croak - yes. Sing - NO!)
Used to be a great magnet for jerks. Not anymore. (Hasta Lavista, Loser!)
Is in love with a fairytale. (Guess which one!)
Works at an Orange-coloured daily. Is getting too comfortable being a workaholic. Might even stick around for another whole month!"

Wish I had asked for obscurity,

In this mad mad world of virality.

Wish I had cried for wisdom,

In this mad mad world of boredom.

Wish I had fallen for laughter,

In this mad mad world of thereafter.

Wish I had begged for grace

In this world which lacks all embrace.

Why The X Deserved A First Class

*To be read aloud by/in a deep baritone voice*

“… Alliances are formed that will shape the eternal war between the heroes and villains of the X-Men universe.”


This First Class film unveils the beginning of the X-Men saga, establishing the relationship between Professor X and Magneto, when the two were young men discovering their powers together. Before they were archenemies they were the closest of friends. It’s a spectacular take on how both of them made their way in this world following their early epiphanies. The character-driven story shows how they discover, harness, and come to terms with their formidable powers. In the series of films set later on in their lives, the characters have split permanently on this very issue - whether to make peace with humanity or continue to fight for mutant rights.

Called a "pre-boot", the film has tones of a James Bond-esque Cold War intrigue. Matthew Vaughn guides the film with a sure hand, allowing plenty of room for the dramatics to unfold without getting too dark or serious. Inevitably, not every character gets the same level of attention, but X-Men: First Class does at least ensure they all have a reason for being there. So what if Vaughn walked out of the The Last Stand. The Last Stand's loss, though, is ultimately First Class' gain.


*Some of my favourite Who Said To Whoms from the Movie*

Erik Lehnsherr: "If you're using half your concentration to look normal, then you're only half paying attention to whatever else you're doing. Just pointing out something that could save your life. You want society to accept you, but you can't even accept yourself."

This quote echoes much of Lehnsherr/Magneto's moral philosophy regarding mutants. He feels that they should not waste energy trying to blend in with humanity, but should celebrate their physical superiority.

Erik Lehnsherr: "Peace was never an option."

I am truly madly deeply in love with this chap!

Professor Charles Xavier: "You know, I believe the true focus lies somewhere between rage and serenity."

The ever optimistic Professor X at his best.

*Why Magneto gets my Vote*

Erik Lehnsherr:"Let's just say I'm Frankenstein's monster and I'm looking for my creator."

And Snazziest Cameo Performance Award goes to…

Erik Lehnsherr: "Excuse me, I'm Erik Lehnsherr."
Professor Charles Xavier: "Charles Xavier."
Logan: "Go f*** yourself."

What winning charm!

Ohk, so we know that Bryan Singer uses mutants as an analogy for the persecution of homosexuals… blah blah blah… but did you imagine it being oh-so-obvious? Where are the days of subtlety? Lehnsherr and Xavier’s on-screen chemistry is sizzling hot! The romps are in your face! *Phew*

Xavier to MacTaggert: “I cannot leave him alone in there.” (In reference to a situation dearest Magneto could. and mostly did, handle without a flexing a muscle).

Xavier to Magneto: “You did this to me.” Awwww… This is lyk Prof X going all dopey and mushy over Magento’s rejection of him… !

Whatever said and done, the beating heart of the film, and when it's at its absolute best, is when Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy are on screen. Period.


*Moments in the movie to poke fun and throw popcorn at*

~The group of teens that start dishing out the iconic names for their mutant selves. Actually, that part is bearable… it’s just the “whatever-ness” attitude that leaves a sour taste in the mouth. The teens of that time were not really supposed to be the antsy MTV-filled ones they are now. So the egos don’t really match.

~The film has a lingerie budget far in excess of any blockbuster in recent memory. I mean, seriously, all the females in the movie seem to be naked or their in undies at one point or the other. Pray, why???

~Kevin Bacon. Your conventional megalomaniac is introduced right in the beginning of the movie and I do lyk the wealthy power broker quite a bit. I just didn’t buy how out-of-the-blue his mutant abilities were.

~ Emma Frost's crystalline form was another one of those things that just didn't look right.


*Psssst*
A word about Fassbender, he might not know it yet, but, he is, definitely, a James Bond in waiting.